Dogs and Their Ability to Tone Your Behind

Remember how I said that I’m fanatical about Christmas? Well take that passion, that joy, that pure LOVE and multiply it by one billion, and you have my love for dogs.

Yeah Yeah, EVERYONE loves dogs, I’m nothing special. Oh wait, I am. I creep people out on a regular basis as I approach them with a huge smile and say, “hey cute stuff.”

Get over yourself, I’m talking to that fur covered, adorable brute you are attached to.

My friends get embarrassed as I veer off to ogle and drool over any dog that is in my line of vision.

Besides being the best things that have ever happened to me, they also happen to keep me in shape. Everyday, regardless of the weather, emotional breakdowns or physical ailments I walk at least three miles. Call it mother’s guilt, but I cannot go a day without getting my boy exercised.

And because I am crazy (see last post), I also walk 3-4 other dogs daily… I am not sure of how long this will actually last, seeing as I have my days planned out to the minute. (you think I’m exaggerating? I give myself ten minute windows of free time– 10 MINUTES)

BUT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

So here you go, a run down of the current dogs in my life. I like to associate them with cliché anthropomorphized stereotypes. Deal with it.

Meet my pup, Zeppelin:He would be a southern boy. He wouldn’t be the brightest crayon in the box, but by golly, isn’t he a looker? He would have a deep southern drawl, probably wear overalls, and drive a tractor (obviously). As a dog, he prefers to be inside sleeping (see picture). He snores, he drools, he sometimes falls down when he runs too fast… ah. True love.

Meet Murphy:

There is only one way to describe what Murphy would be like as a human. Woody Allen. Murphy is twitchy, and neurotic. He chases shadows. Sneezes make him nervous. Spindly, glasses wearing Woody Allen. That is Murphy to a t.

Meet Rainier:

Your heart melted. I can tell. I sense it dripping onto your keyboard. This little man is a new arrival in my life (dog walker on the side). If he were to be a human, he would be everything you love wrapped in a fuzzy fur coat. Shit, let’s be real, this little guy would be sunshine, rainbows and unicorns wrapped in the body of Ryan Gosling. I can’t even stereotype a puppy… it seems wrong.

Meet Chloe:

Chloe is crazy. (no offense Jen) If Chloe were a human, she would be a nail-biting, bathrobe wearing, chain-smoking lunatic. Chloe is nervous, and her nervousness results in a abhorrence of men, busses, and things that make noises… You get the picture. After a few lunge/bites at male friends, Chloe and I have a private relationship– just Chloe and me. Avoiding people, places and things. We have a great time.

If I were to win the lottery, here is what I would do. I would buy a tract of land. I would build a beautiful craftsman log cabin, and I would adopt approximately 15 dogs. 

Moral of this story: if you want an ass of champions, to find unconditional love, have the best snuggle session of your life and never feel the need to be sad again, get yourself a dog.

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