Cancer. Strength and Yoga

There are two things on my mind today. First, my to-do-list for yoga poses.

Second, a little girl telling me she beat cancer… yeah. Let’s start with that one.

It is really hard for me to not burst into tears in situations like that. Especially when it is my time of the month—which causes me to cry at literally everything. Mariah Carey’s, “I don’t want a lot for Christmas”?… Yeah, I just admitted that. Gross.

So, here I was. A routine scheduling situation and this mom tells me, in a very nonchalant manner, that her daughter just beat cancer. It was so hard to not get caught up in their emotions, as I saw a sense of pride and relief surface in the mother’s watery eyes.

Here is her daughter, this adorable, lively thing that complimented me on my nail polish. This little spitfire/champion/bad ass extraordinaire stared cancer in the face and said “no”. You can imagine pitiful ol’ me, weeping at every single Christmas themed commercial (I realize how ridiculous I sound), having a slight break down.

So there you go reality, just one big dose of YOU.

I had to pull it together and gave that little girl the biggest high-five I could muster, and had a wonderful chat with the mother. Their strength is astounding.

Now on to much less important things.

I think I suck at yoga.

How trivial does THAT sound after my previous story?

However, this blog is about my path to self discovery via yoga, running and eating vegan. So perhaps I should write about those every once in a while.

Here is the reason that I think I fail at yoga. NOTE: I realize that there is no “failing” at yoga—that it is all about the practice, and being with yourself in that blissful 75 minutes, stretching to your own potential, not the potential of others. I get that. Or at least I understand that theory.

Let me break it down. I have been practicing yoga on and off for nearly seven years.

I should be bending myself into a pretzel on a whim. I should be able to throw myself into bird or paradise (which is a pretty cool pose), and fling myself into a head stand no big deal. But I can’t. I am nowhere close to being a human pretzel. I can kind of shimmy myself into bird of paradise. And I am terrified of head stands. I think my neck is going to break. I just chill out in the prep poses, pretending like I’m building up to something epic.

I’m not.

I was enrolled in yoga teacher training, and had to stop due to work commitments at my new job. I will eventually start the teacher training again, but before I do, I have a few personal goals.

1)      Master head stands. I will get over my neck fear. OR I will throw myself into it; probably end up crunching my neck forever. Right, I will take my time.

2)      Get over my fear of inversions in general. I have this looming fear that the moment I flip upside down in any capacity, something horrible will happen to my body. What this horrible thing is? No idea… but I imagine it involves excruciating pain and perhaps an explosion of moths. (my greatest fear)

3)      Learn to love my messed up displaced sacrum, my difference in leg length, my tighter-then-all-get-out hips, and my weak ankles. HOT MESS.

4)      Be able to jump (gracefully) from downward dog to the front of my mat, and from the front of my mat to plank. Right now, it is as if I am channeling an elephant.

5)      Stop being so damn judgmental.

That is all.

Goodnight and many happy thoughts and practices to you all.

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