So I guess today is Valentines Day or some shit. I just got back from Hawaii last night. When my roommate asked me what I was doing on Valentine’s Day I raised my eyebrows at her and said, “Valentine’s Day?”

You see, I had forgotten that it was today. I suppose you can blame it on the single-dom, or the fact that I wasn’t really ever into Valentine’s Day, or most importantly, I was distracted by my blissful week in Hawaii.

So, yeah… Happy Valentine’s Day? I hope you are sharing things with cool people and what not. That you are with the one you love. Eating chocolate and shit. Or whatever you think is romantic.

I happen to sponsor the idea that today is National Quirkyalone day. I will celebrate that by going home after work, probably drinking a beer and watching a few episodes of The New Girl. HOLLER SINGLE LADIES.

I digress.

More important than Valentine’s Day is the list of things I learned and observed in Hawaii.

They are as follows:

1)      Kauai is the most beautiful place in the United States. Yes, I have been to many a national park… Yes, they are all beautiful. HOWEVER, Kauai= Jurassic Park, literally. You can’t get more beautiful than a fictional dinosaur zoo. (I quoted the movie for the entire week, mainly in my head so as not to annoy my mother… CLEVER GIRL)

2)      Arrogant men who tend bar and play the ukulele whilst singing make the Davis girls swoon. This requires more in-depth story telling, but I will just leave you with that. Titillate the senses.

3)      A combination of SPF 75, intermittent clouds and allowing myself 20 minute sun bathing sessions resulted in me not getting burnt in a tropical locale for the first time. High five for THIS girl.

4)      Being vegan in Hawaii is a surprisingly easy thing to do. I consumed a plethora of fresh fruits and vegetables and paid an absurd amount of money for said food. INSANELY EXPENSIVE. Hot damn, now I see why most people just vacation there—to live there would cost so much damn money.

5)      I don’t like people. When we left Kauai for Waikiki and I was faced with crowds and noises and people who were orange and wearing yarn/string disguised as bathing suits, it was hard to hide the look for horror on my face. Honestly, people are the WORST.

6)      I consume young adult fiction like a kid in a candy store. What can I say? The meaningless contrived plot lines and cliché romance gets my heart racing. Yes, I read the entire hunger games series in four days and loved every second of it. On that note, I also became aware that when I am engrossed in a book I take on what appears to be my “serious/thinking face”. I promise, I am happier then I appear. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO PEETA.

7)      I have also decided to return to my attempt at writing a young adult fiction novel. I feel that my writing is better than Stephanie Meyer, and that bitch is a gazillionaire. Plot ideas are welcome. I may already have a title for my trilogy—once again; I will leave you guessing (titillation part II).

8)      I love my family. I love drinking too much wine with my mom and aunt. I love being giddy and ridiculous with my cousin. I love realizing that my mom is a human being, not just the mother figure that I have always counted on. It was a great bonding trip for the two of us. Lots of good talks, lots of alcohol, and a few hysterical moments when we just couldn’t figure out how to get the damn beach chairs to fold down.

Needless to say, the trip was a delight. I have been a grump this entire valentine’s day—not because I’m single, but because I would like nothing more than to be on a beach where it is 80 degrees completely engrossed in a young adult novel.

What can I say? I am not a romantic.