I am not sure what it is about grief.

What I do know is that it makes your heart ache. It makes you weep uncontrollably when you listen to Landslide. It causes you to walk around like a zombie, wishing life had a giant pause button.

I do not know why this grief has to happen to a person whose life is braided into mine, like those friendships bracelets we used to wear at summer camp. Why this had to reach out and grab these people whose kindness and genuine love is what sustains my belief in humanity.

I am not sure why there isn’t a good thing to say. Or why there is no way to make that pain go away.

I am not sure why this looming feeling has rushed over into every corner of my life. Like some sort of horrifying tidal wave.

What I am sure of is that it has made me realize how short all of this is.

What I am sure of is how I need to shake this shit up.

Let the wild rumpus begin.

ps. all of this grief resulted in hours in the kitchen, pounds of food, and the hope that it will bring some sort of comfort. I believe these crackers will travel the world with me. Through thick and thin.

Happy Crackers (nice name.)

adapted from My New Roots

2 cups black/brown rice

2 cups quinoa

3 tbsp olive oil

2 tbsp tamari

1 tsp salt

cracked pepper

2/3 cup  toasted sesame seeds

* cook quinoa and rice, let cool. combine rice, quinoa, olive oil and tamari in the food processor. Blend for a few minutes until a dough forms.

*Add in sesame seeds and blend some more.

*Add in cracked pepper, garlic, dried fruit, whatever you want.

* Divide dough into two batches, put between parchment paper and roll REALLY thin.

*Bake on 400 degrees for 25 minutes until crispy.

*eat. share. cry. repeat.