My Love Letter to Austin and Chipotle Sweet Potato Fries

I leave Austin in five days.

This flat, hot and beautiful place has been my home for the past year +, and now it’s time to go back to Seattle. I’m returning to green trees, tall mountains, salty seas and family.  I’ve come to the conclusion that a piece of myself will stay in Texas. This town will always be a second home. It wouldn’t be an honest departure without a love letter, so Austin… this one’s for you.

My Southern Love,

I will miss your warmth. I will miss your wet heat that felt like the biggest, sweatiest hug. I will miss riding my red bicycle through your streets in my cut-offs. I will miss eating tacos for breakfast, lunch and dinner and then for breakfast again. I will miss your friendliness and open arms. I will miss whiskey on tap, two stepping with strangers and late nights with my favorite people. I will miss swimming in any body of water I could find, just as long as it got me out of the heat. I will miss being in the land of fireflies and topo chico.

Austin, I will miss your people. The ones that welcomed me without question. Those people who I would carry around in my back pocket if I could, little reminders of what it feels like to be surrounded with goodness. This town is full of folks who live. Take all of it and shape it into something worthwhile. Austin, you are a neverland. Sitting outside of barton springs in my bathing suit, watching the stars in the 85 degree heat on a summer evening, I looked at my friend and said, “this place is magic…”

Austin, you are magic. You are sunshine, pants, bike rides, food, friends and dancing. So much of my heart will be left in Austin, forever.

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I am moving on to the next adventure. I ate the Texas sun, I had year round freckles, I scuffed my boots and turned all my jeans into shorts. Now it’s time to go home. I’m bringing a bit of the south home with me. I’m determined to bring some of the warmth, some of the genuine friendliness, all of the dancing and you BETTER believe I will bring “y’all” with me…

Onward and upward y’all, onward and upward.

Black Bean & Avocado Salad with Chipotle Sweet Potato Fries & Cabbage Slaw

This is what my perfect plate looks like. Sweet potatoes are my jam, and when you add in the complete protein of rice and beans, I’m in heaven. And it wouldn’t be a well-rounded meal unless there were some greens, and the cabbage slaw fit the bill. It only seems fitting that I give y’all THREE recipes this time around, because everything is bigger in Texas. All of these dishes are great to mix together and stick into a tortilla, because EVERYTHING is better in a tortilla.

Tacos forever.

Black Bean & Avocado Salad

  • 1 can black beans
  • 1 cup brown rice
  • 2.5 cups water
  • ½ cup cilantro leaves, chopped
  • 1 lime, juiced
  • 2 small shallots, diced
  • ½ tbsp olive oil
  • ¾ tsp ground cumin
  • ¼-½ tsp salt, to taste
  • Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
  • 1 large avocado, chopped into ½ inch pieces

Cook the brown rice, I use a rice cooker, but you can cook it on the stove top, do whatever tickles your fancy. Drain the beans and rinse. In a large bowl add the beans and toss with limes, cilantro leaves, diced shallots and ground cumin. Season to taste with salt & black pepper. After your rice is finished, set it aside to cool slightly before you mix it in with everything else. Peel and slice an avocado, and serve the beans at room temperature, with chopped avocado on top or mixed in throughout the salad. This salad lasts for several days in the fridge, so it makes for the perfect lunch to bring to work.

Chipotle Sweet Potato Fries

  • 1 sweet potato, peeled and cut into ¼ inch fries
  • 2 tsp olive oil
  • Sea salt
  • Ground chipotle chile
  • Garlic powder

In a medium bowl, toss sweet potatoes with olive oil, salt, garlic powder and chipotle chile powder. Spread potatoes on a baking sheet. Avoid crowding so the potatoes get crisp. Bake for 15 minutes. Turn and bake an additional 10-15 minutes. Ovens may vary so keep an eye on them and be sure to cut all the potatoes the same size. It’ll ensure even cooking. Cool and try not to shove them all in your mouth at one time. These are delicious.

Cabbage Slaw

  • 1 head cabbage, cut into small pieces
  • 2 carrots, shredded (optional, I didn’t have any, so I went without… delicious either way)
  • 1 jalapeno, seeded and finely chopped
  • Handful of fresh cilantro, finely chopped
  • 1 ½ Tbsp olive oil
  • 3 Tbsp fresh lime juice
  • 1 Tbsp honey (or agave)
  • Pinch of cumin

Generous pinch of salt and pepper

Chop up your veggies and mix with jalapeno and cilantro. In a small bowl, whisk together olive oil, lime juice and honey. Add to the veggies and season with cumin, salt and pepper. Toss until finally coated. Serve immediately or refrigerate in an airtight container for 3-5 days.

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Mac & Cheese and Family

Is it cliché to claim fall as my favorite season? If seasons can “trend”, fall is definitely the new summer (gross. I apologize). Regardless, fall has been my favorite season since I was little, as I come from a family steeped in tradition.

With the return of fall comes all of those things that make me feel warm inside. It starts with a trip to Craven Farms with my dad to get pumpkins, spending far too long in the fields with apple cider and sugar cookies as our sustenance. We each pick out a few pumpkins and line them up, like a casting call. When I took an old boyfriend of mine to the farm I had to warn him that it’s not just a “go out into the field and pick whichever gourd looks okay” situation, it’s serious business.

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Pumpkins lead us into changing leaves at Greenlake and cold morning walks. From there it’s grandma’s kitchen for Thanksgiving, the window perspiring as we warm up the kitchen with the smells of home. After that? That is when the magic really happens. I’m entirely obnoxious when it comes to Christmas. I watch Elf on repeat, force those around me to listen to holiday songs, and spend hours making a wide variety of christmas cookies and crafts.

See? Obnoxious.

One important detail: all of these traditions are from my life in Seattle. I am not there. Instead, I am sitting in the Texas sun in November and it’s 80 degrees. Don’t get me wrong, this weather is relatively spectacular, and I understand why people are happier in sunny climates. But as a girl who grew up with seasons, mountains and warm coffee in mittened hands, I am just not sure how I feel about a holiday season without my family. This will be the first time in 26 years where I am not going to be home for Christmas. I am not going to go see the nutcracker with my uncle, not going to wake up early to open my stockings, not have Christmas breakfast with my mom. Yes, yes, I am getting weepy as I type this.

It may seem trivial to care so much about the holidays, but it’s more than that. My traditions, regardless of how silly they are, are why I am who I am. I grew up with an extremely strong and supportive family. There was never a lack of love, a lack of understanding or a want for anything. My family, they are my people. Not being around them (well, most of them, thank heavens my sister lives with me) has made me realize how blessed I am to be so close to them, how lucky I am to have so much of my heart in one place.

What I’m trying to say is… Take me home.

Butternut Squash Vegan Macaroni and “Cheese” with Kale

From: Oh She Glows

When I get nostalgic, I cook. This means I have been whipping up all kinds of creations in my kitchen in the past month. Oh She Glows has become one of my favorite blogs, she’s got so many delicious healthy recipes on the website. Seeing as macaroni and cheese used to be staple in my childhood diet, my cravings for something similar have been pretty intense. If I made traditional macaroni and cheese, I would have a stomach ache for eternity. Instead, I made her butternut squash macaroni and cheese and used gluten-free macaroni. It RULED.

  •  1 fresh butternut squash
  • Extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper
  • 1 Tbsp Earth Balance
  • 3/4 cup unsweetened, unflavored almond milk
  • 1 tbsp arrowroot powder (or cornstarch)
  • 6 Tbsp nutritional yeast, or more to taste
  • 2 tsp dijon mustard
  • 1/4-3/4 tsp garlic powder
  • 1/2 tsp onion powder
  • 1/2- 1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
  • 1/2 – 1 tsp salt (to taste) & ground black pepper, to taste
  • 4 servings gluten-free pasta (I used quinoa macaroni)
  • Mix-ins (I chose kale and spinach, gotta get your greens!)

Preheat oven to 425 degrees and mix your chopped squash with olive oil and salt and pepper to taste. Roast for about 40 minutes, uncovered, or until tender. Keep your eye on the squash to make sure it doesn’t burn.

While your squash is cooking, prepare the sauce. Over low-medium heat, melt the earth balance. In a bowl, whisk together the milk and arrowroot powder (or cornstarch) until clumps are gone. Add into pot and whisk. Stir in remaining ingredients (nutritional yeast, dijon, garlic, lemon and salt & pepper) and whisk over low heat until it thickens (about 5 minutes).

Cook your pasta according to package directions. The sauce will make enough to cover 4 servings of pasta. In a blender, blend the sauce with 1 cup of roasted squash. Add cooked, drained, and rinsed macaroni into pot, along with your sauce and mix-ins. Heat and serve.

Promise me, you’ll add this recipe to your collection… it’s amazing.

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Seattle and Whole Grains

Everything about home was magic. Soul lifting, heart warming, beautiful magic. For nine days I didn’t have to worry about money, about the hound, about my job… about anything. I spilled my guts to my mom, and took comfort in her warm home and understanding eyes. I laughed with my stepmom and dad as we climbed up a mountain, surrounded by tall pines bowed with snow. Christmas eve I did the yearly raid of my grandma’s closet, collecting yet another pair of shoes.

355924877401482529_2573928I shimmied. I shook. I saw all those friends of mine that have claimed parts of my heart. We got starry-eyed off of peach/vodka drinks (dangerous) and I ended the night exclaiming that I “couldn’t feel my face”. Piggy back rides turned into dance parties turned into taking swigs of whiskey straight out of the bottle. Being around those people makes my heart swell to good Grinch levels.

Needless to say, coming home (do I call it that yet?) was difficult. It was heavy and hard. I spent the majority of my plane ride over thinking all of the things that would be missing when I touched down in Texas. How all that I loved was back up in that beautiful city. But I told myself that Texas is worth it. I haven’t even scratched the surface of this fascinating town. This place hasn’t found the corners of my soul. I haven’t given it the chance.

So yes. I did cry a few tears that first night back. I cuddled the hound a little too hard. I felt sorry for myself a little too much. But I got over it. I spent my 26th birthday (oh yeah… that happened) alone, reorganizing my life and making a home for myself. My sister and brother-in-law took me to a fancy dinner. My co-workers surprised me with cupcakes (which my dog decided to treat himself to… four of them, mind you) and sang me happy birthday. My best friend back home sent me this picture. BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Then, I agreed to go out with co-workers on New Years Eve, when I would have probably ended up going to bed around 10, giving the hound a smooch on the nose. Oh! And I got offered a big girl job, with the whole package included.

358773387646767365_240755803It was a pretty great “Welcome back to Texas.”

I found myself in the kitchen yesterday. The hound at his proper post, waiting for the tiniest shred of sweet potato. I hummed a First Aid Kit song to myself as I made myself a big dish of roasted vegetables over brown rice. I felt a surge of happiness. It was brief, and it was accompanied with a pang of homesickness. But it was there.

And then do it all with a goddamn smile

So, I am planting roots. I am.

Roasted Vegetables with Whole Grains

From: My brain

  • 15 brussels sprouts, washed and cut in half
  • 1 sweet potato, cut into small pieces
  • 4 kale leaves, washed, de-stemmed and cut into bit size pieces
  • 1 clove of garlic
  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tsp nutritional yeast
  • Salt and pepper to taste

This is a super simple recipe, and is my go to for many a dinner. Turn the oven on to 400 degrees F. Toss your brussels sprouts and sweet potato in olive oil and salt and pepper. You can sprinkle in some extra nutritional yeast if you want (which I always want). Once the oven is warm, roast the brussels and sweet potato for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. You will want to roast for about 40 minutes, and you’ll want to throw in the kale (which you can toss with a light amount of olive oil and salt and pepper as well) for the last 15 minutes, that way they will get crispy but not burnt. While the veggies are roasting, start your grains. I did brown rice. You can throw all of this over any grain, my go to is usually quinoa, as it will give you some extra protein. You can learn ALL about grains (and how to cook them) from this 101 cookbooks article– I go to her blog for most everything. Cook your grains, and when your veggies are done, remove them from the oven. Then toss your veggies over your grain, top with 1 tsp of nutritional yeast and enjoy. This is a quick(ish) and warming meal. It will probably become your go-to, or it should be added to your “what should I make for dinner” solution.

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No Child Left Inside

Remember how awesome it was to be a little kid? How you spent so much time in your own head, imagining that your backyard was a pirate ship, your bike was a horse and the woods were your make-believe home? My bestie and I would spend hours on her acre of wooded property, making forts and sneaking into the neighbor’s yard to feed apples to their horse.

Yeah, my youth was pretty idyllic.

I am not sure that outside-all-day, berry-picking, lost-in-the-woods, be-back-by-dusk childhood is all that common anymore. Maybe that is why the childhood obesity rate is 16.9% and why it isn’t uncommon to see seven-year olds with Iphones. What a strange world we live in.

I have decided that if I have kids they will wear recycled pillow cases (fashioned into draw string like dress bags), they will play with wooden toys, live on a farm, play in the dirt and never interact with the outside world. Which means I will live on a commune or be a part of a cult…?

Never let me have children.

I think about kids a lot because I work at a hospital; a hospital that only treats kids. A place where there are a lot of kids who are really sick. It makes me think about how many kids there are that aren’t battling cancer, that aren’t going through chemotherapy every other day, but are still slowly decreasing their chances at a healthy life because of the world and society around them.

Heavy stuff this morning, I know.

All of these thoughts led me to sign up as a running buddy for an incredible organization. Girls on the Run is an international non-profit that runs a 10-week after school program for 3-5 grade girls. It teaches them about positive body image, self love and trains them for a 5k. Basically, it rocks my world.

I spent my Monday afternoon running (let’s be real, it was mainly walking and then sprinting down hills) 3.5 miles with two 3rd grade girls. They were the cat’s pajamas. We talked about school, family, pets, their hopes to go to college together, live together and work as zoo keepers together (bless). It was the best way to spend a Monday. It reminded me that kids are resilient. That perhaps there is a bit of hope when it comes to the next generation.

To top all of this magic off, it is spring and that means rhubarb and asparagus (I am lacking a smooth transition today, oops). After eating a breakfast of vegan, gluten-free banana pancakes with homemade nutella (what?!? So delish) at my favorite spot for a bestie’s birthday we popped by the Ballard Farmers Market.

Perfection looks like bundle after bundle of fresh asparagus. It looks like baskets of fern fronds and bushels of arugula. Perfection is the realization that we are entering the time of year when eating local produce is easy. SO. MANY. VEGETABLES.

Thank heavens.

I bought the rhubarb on a whim. Mainly because it was so beautiful and my excitement got the better of me. This spontaneous purchase resulted in making a batch of rhubarb compote—one of the easiest things to make in the world. This delicious, honey sweetened concoction is best when plopped on coconut milk yogurt or ice cream. Highly recommended.

It is quite the way to ring in the spring. (Rhyming! Huzzah!)

Honey Sweetened Rhubarb Compote

4 cups rhubarb

½ cup water

¼ honey

Juice of ½ lemon

-Wash and cut up rhubarb into thin chunks.

-Place all ingredients (except honey) in a small saucepan and bring to a boil.

-Reduce to a simmer and cook down until rhubarb is soft—about 15/20 minutes—stirring occasionally to prevent sticking.

-After the compote has cooled, pour through a fine sieve to get rid of the excess liquid.

-Add the honey and stir everything together.

-Put in an adorable jar and pop on whatever tickles your fancy.

Spring

I was very productive today. This productivity is usually stymied by “wasting” time in my parent’s sauna or watching too many episodes of trashy TV before work. When I sit down and watch Netflix reruns of How I Met Your Mother or Twin Peaks, I always end up eating a bowl of popcorn bigger then I like to admit.  It is huge. Really, really huge. BUT, it is coated in nutritional yeast, so at least it is healthy popcorn.

However, today it was sunny. GASP. The sunshine actually warmed me through my bedroom window and I saw the thermometer hit 50 degrees. Holy hell… spring? Is that you?

Those of you who don’t live in Seattle—perhaps you are in the heat wave of the midwest (you bastards)—50 degrees seems downright frigid. Which it is. The poor daffodils and cherry blossoms are freezing their asses off as they assumed mid March would bring them warmth—sorry little dudes, no such luck.

Here is the thing about sunshine and Seattle. When it is sunny, you do everything in your power to be outside. To be inside is sacrilegious. The sun comes out and people drop their plans, their work, their lives and bask in all that glorious vitamin D. Everyone also assumes that sunshine means you don’t have to wear clothes—but that is a different story for another time.

I spent my morning gabbing with my bestie over coffee as the dogs pulled us down the street, stopping to sniff and pee on every flower that had been brave enough to show its face.

After spending time with a bestie, I feel invigorated—I rode this feeling and did some gardening.

Oh, gardening. How I love you. I adore the feeling of dirt under my finger nails; I seek pleasure in turning over and digging up my garden bed. I like to chat and get to know my worms—feeding them scraps and lovingly covering them with a sheet of delicious dirt.

Today I planted some butter head lettuce, and trimmed back the ever bothersome blackberry bushes. I found my cute little itty bitty terra-cotta pots and started some kale and broccoli starts. Oh my goodness, how excited I am for all things to grow.

All of this walking, gossiping and gardening whetted my appetite and I caught up on podcasts as I whipped up a quick buckwheat soba noodle salad.

What a way to ring in the spring.

Peanuty Buckwheat Noodle Salad

  • Buckwheat noodles
  • Red bell pepper
  • Carrots
  • Cucumber
  • Sesame oil
  • Garlic
  • Spinach and Kale
    • Cook soba noodles. Or brown rice. Or black rice. Or anything that goes with vegetables and peanut sauce.
    • Warm up sesame oil in a frying pan on medium/high heat, add garlic and sauté for 5 minutes.  Add spinach and kale and quickly saute until slightly wilted.
    • Cut up cucumber and bell peppers, and carrots and set all of these things aside.
    • Toss noodles with vegetables and peanut sauce (recipe below)

Peanut Sauce

  • 4 tbsp hot water
  • 4 tbsp peanut butter
  • 2 tbsp soy sauce or tamari
  • 1.5 tsp lemon juice
  • 1.5 tsp brown sugar
  • Dash of cayenne pepper
    • Whisk all ingredients together. If it still looks a little chunky, zap that baby in the microwave for 30 seconds and whisk again. Pour over anything and everything. Lick the bowl. It is okay. Everyone does it.

 

A Walking Cliche

Yep. I am a walking cliché. I believe that this term usually has a  negative connotation attached to it, but I own that baby with PRIDE. I AM A CLICHÉ—HOLLER.

It is true. When you think of all things Seattle and Pacific Northwest, I embody them. You know that show Portlandia? How it takes all of the stereotypes of Portland and mimics them—it wouldn’t be as funny if it weren’t so god damn true. This is also the case in Seattle.

Yes, I wear flannel and drive a Subaru. Yep, I have a black lab, a raised garden bed and I listen to NPR. Uh huh, I totally ride a bike that is from the 80s, I have super fair skin and I am a vegan. And yes, I practice yoga regularly and try to go to a farmers market every weekend. I want to hike, snowshoe and climb mountains. My roommate and I are going to start brewing beer. I drink coffee like it is water, and sling lattes like nobody’s business. To top it all off, I am insanely attracted to men with big, full faced beards.

I am a Subaru commercial in the flesh—and I OWN THAT SHIT.

I wrap all of that up and live my day-to-day reveling in all of that stereotypical nonsense.

I am what I am, and proud of it.

So on that note: here is an awesome vegan falafel recipe I whipped up today while listening to John Prine as a drooling hound dog padded behind me, looking for scraps.

I tossed the falafel and dressing together over a bed of spinach and cucumber… it was the perfect lunch. I have a shit ton of left overs as well, so I had it for dinner and will probably be eating it for the next few days. I do enjoy a good leftover.

Quick and Easy Falafel with Homemade Green Goddess Dressing

Adapted from The Moosewood Restaurant Cookbook

  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 cup chopped onions
  • 1 cup chopped red peppers
  • 3 cloves of garlic
  • 1 tbsp coriander
  • 1 tbsp cumin
  • 1 tsp salt
  • Dash of Cayenne pepper
  • 1 can rinsed garbanzo beans
  • 1 package of firm tofu
  • Handful of fresh parsley
  • ¼ Cup Tahini
  • 1 tbsp soy sauce
  • ½ cup bread crumbs

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Sautee garlic and onions for five minutes in some olive oil.

Add in red peppers and cumin, coriander, salt and cayenne pepper.

In a food processor, combine tofu, chick peas, soy sauce, tahini and parsley—pulse until well mixed, but don’t turn it into a paste…

Mix everything together in a big bowl and add the bread crumbs

Spoon out ½ portions onto a well oiled baking sheet.

Bake those puppies for 30 minutes or until golden brown. Mine were perfect after 30 minutes.

For dressing:

  • 1/2 cup tahini
  • 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
  • 1/4 cup soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp lemon juice
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 3 cloves garlic
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 2 tbsp dried parsley
  • 1/2 cup oil

Combine all ingredients, except for oil into a food processor and puree until smooth and creamy.

Slowly add oil until well mixed.

 

 

 

 

 

The Joy of Giving

I have figured it out. I now know how to connect yoga and christmas.

This epiphany came to me in my bed this morning. I had my day planned out down to the minute– as I do. My alarm went off at the appropriate time for my run, followed by my yoga, followed by a walk with a friend, followed by a trip to REI for a coat I have been drooling over, followed by work. You are at the edge of your seat, I can tell.

Here is what happened instead. My bed was warm. Seattle was cold. My dog’s head was on my chest, and he smells like warm potato chips (delicious). My sheets are made of fleece (literally). So I said NO, turned my alarm off and let the sound of hail lull me back to sleep for another hour.

I then had a panic attack about messing up my plans, guilt about not exercising to my full potential, and a realization that I now gained 10 pounds.

Yep, call me rational.

After my head decided to have a break down, it dawned on me. This season (this glorious, miraculous, blissful season) is all about giving. It is all about traditions, and family and being with the ones you love. A lot of time, it becomes about being one giant stress ball of anger and not being good enough.

So here is what it came down to. I rolled out my mat, put on my Adele Pandora radio station and spent some time with my sweet self. I spent 45 perfect minutes stretching how I wanted to stretch. Breathing how I wanted to breathe, and giving myself the gift of unscheduled, unplanned time. I followed this peace with a long walk in the cold, drinking coffee and having a nice conversation with a genuine person.

It was a perfect day.

Lesson learned. This season (this life) it is easy to get caught up in a whirlwind of dates and plans. It is easy to forget to give yourself gifts– to remember to slow down. My gift is yoga. Your gift may be a pint of beer and a good book. It may be a long nap under the new fleece sheets you went to buy (really, do it.)

The season of giving. To others… And yourself.

Dogs and Their Ability to Tone Your Behind

Remember how I said that I’m fanatical about Christmas? Well take that passion, that joy, that pure LOVE and multiply it by one billion, and you have my love for dogs.

Yeah Yeah, EVERYONE loves dogs, I’m nothing special. Oh wait, I am. I creep people out on a regular basis as I approach them with a huge smile and say, “hey cute stuff.”

Get over yourself, I’m talking to that fur covered, adorable brute you are attached to.

My friends get embarrassed as I veer off to ogle and drool over any dog that is in my line of vision.

Besides being the best things that have ever happened to me, they also happen to keep me in shape. Everyday, regardless of the weather, emotional breakdowns or physical ailments I walk at least three miles. Call it mother’s guilt, but I cannot go a day without getting my boy exercised.

And because I am crazy (see last post), I also walk 3-4 other dogs daily… I am not sure of how long this will actually last, seeing as I have my days planned out to the minute. (you think I’m exaggerating? I give myself ten minute windows of free time– 10 MINUTES)

BUT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

So here you go, a run down of the current dogs in my life. I like to associate them with cliché anthropomorphized stereotypes. Deal with it.

Meet my pup, Zeppelin:He would be a southern boy. He wouldn’t be the brightest crayon in the box, but by golly, isn’t he a looker? He would have a deep southern drawl, probably wear overalls, and drive a tractor (obviously). As a dog, he prefers to be inside sleeping (see picture). He snores, he drools, he sometimes falls down when he runs too fast… ah. True love.

Meet Murphy:

There is only one way to describe what Murphy would be like as a human. Woody Allen. Murphy is twitchy, and neurotic. He chases shadows. Sneezes make him nervous. Spindly, glasses wearing Woody Allen. That is Murphy to a t.

Meet Rainier:

Your heart melted. I can tell. I sense it dripping onto your keyboard. This little man is a new arrival in my life (dog walker on the side). If he were to be a human, he would be everything you love wrapped in a fuzzy fur coat. Shit, let’s be real, this little guy would be sunshine, rainbows and unicorns wrapped in the body of Ryan Gosling. I can’t even stereotype a puppy… it seems wrong.

Meet Chloe:

Chloe is crazy. (no offense Jen) If Chloe were a human, she would be a nail-biting, bathrobe wearing, chain-smoking lunatic. Chloe is nervous, and her nervousness results in a abhorrence of men, busses, and things that make noises… You get the picture. After a few lunge/bites at male friends, Chloe and I have a private relationship– just Chloe and me. Avoiding people, places and things. We have a great time.

If I were to win the lottery, here is what I would do. I would buy a tract of land. I would build a beautiful craftsman log cabin, and I would adopt approximately 15 dogs. 

Moral of this story: if you want an ass of champions, to find unconditional love, have the best snuggle session of your life and never feel the need to be sad again, get yourself a dog.